Responsive settling at 6-18 months: reducing settling help

Responsive settling is responding to children’s comfort needs while helping them settle and sleep. Settling in arms and hands-on settling are responsive ways to settle babies and toddlers. If you want to reduce settling help, a gradual approach is best. Responsive settling and reducing settling help at 6-18 months Responsive settling is responding to your child’s need for comfort at the same time as you help them fall asleep. For example, responsive settling might involve rocking or patting your child to help them settle. Or it might involve sitting with your child and comforting them with your voice while they’re settling. Responsive settling gives your child the sense of safety and security they need to develop well. That’s because your child knows you’re close by to comfort them if they’re upset, just like you do when they’re awake during the day. At 6-9 months, you can also start to gradually and gently reduce the responsive settling help you give your child. When you reduce settling help, your child is likely to fall asleep sooner. Your child might also be more likely to fall back to sleep without your help when they wake in the night. This is good for your baby and good for you, because it helps you both get the sleep you need. It’s up to you how much help you give your baby to fall asleep and re-settle when they wake at night. Reducing responsive settling help for older babies and toddlers: getting started If you want to reduce the settling help you give your child, it’s worth setting up a positive bedtime routine first. A positive bedtime routine involves a few quiet, enjoyable activities about 20 minutes before your child’s bedtime, which should be around the same time each night. Doing the same things at the same time each night helps your child feel ready for sleep. It also soothes and calms your child so they’re ready to settle. Child health professionals almost always recommend you use a positive bedtime routine when you’re changing something about the way your child sleeps. When you’re ready to start, these tips can help things go well each bedtime: Look for tired signs. If you have a bedtime routine, you might see tired signs at about the same time each night. Babies and toddlers will settle better if they’re tired. Meet your child’s other needs before you start settling them. For example, feed your child, change their nappy, and give them a cuddle. Ensure your child’s room is calm and comfortable. A dim and quiet environment can help too. A safe sleep environment reduces the risk of sudden unexpected death in infancy (SUDI) including sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) and fatal sleep accidents. In a safe sleep environment, your child sleeps on their back, on a firm, flat and level surface, in a space that’s clear, not too hot and smoke free. How to reduce responsive settling help for older babies and toddlers You can reduce the responsive settling help you give your child by moving from your current method of settling to gradually less intensive methods. This gentle approach helps your child more easily learn new ways to settle. 1. Work out how your child likes to sleep now Think about how your child likes to go to sleep now. For example, if your child likes to be fed to sleep, you could start by using settling in arms, hands-on settling or verbal reassurance. These settling options are explained in Responsive settling at 0-6 months. 2. Reduce the help you give When you’re ready, you can gradually and gently reduce the amount of help you give your child to settle. This means waiting until your child falls asleep easily one way before you move to a less intensive way. If you’re feeding your child to sleep, feed them until they’re drowsy but not asleep. Move from this to rocking your child to sleep in your arms. If you’re rocking your child to sleep in your arms, rock them until they’re drowsy. Move from this to using hands-on settling. If you use hands-on settling until your child is asleep, slow or stop the patting or rocking when they’re drowsy. Move to leaving the room while your child is drowsy but awake. 3. Leave the room while your child is still awake Once your child is used to falling asleep without feeding, rocking or hands-on settling, you can try leaving the room while they’re still awake. If your child gets upset when you leave, you might need to gradually get them used to falling asleep without you in the room. If your child doesn’t settle If your child gets very upset while you’re reducing the amount of responsive settling help you’re giving them, it’s OK to stop and give them a cuddle. When your child calms down, you can keep settling them. If your child still can’t settle, comfort your child and settle them in whatever way works for both of you. You can give your child more practice with the new way of settling at the next bedtime. Staying with your child to calm them helps your child more quickly and easily learn new ways to settle. It might help to know that most babies cry while they’re getting used to a new way of going to sleep. Depending on your baby’s temperament and sleep habits, it can take anything from 3 days to 3 weeks for them to be comfortable with a new approach. Responsive settling should be gentle and reassuring. If you start to feel angry or upset or nothing seems to be working, it’s best to leave your child in a safe place and take a moment to calm yourself. If you have a partner, you could ask them to take over. You can also get help for baby and toddler sleep and settling. Reassuring older babies and toddlers as they settle If your baby grizzles when you first put them to bed or after waking in the night, you could gently say ‘I’m here. Time to sleep’ or make ‘sh, sh’ sounds. 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